Day 1: Love is Patient

"The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret."


Okay. So I read all about Day 1 and thought to myself... piece of cake. Don't say anything negative. No problem.


Then I reread today's challenge. Don't say ANYTHING negative. Not just about them or because of them, but nothing negative AT ALL. Oooohhhh, I get it.


Let me explain how today started. The coffee had not yet finished brewing before Jay got a "ding" on his phone that a text had come in. Not unusual these days. Well, we have been playing a trivia game with some friends via text messages. Just for fun (and bragging rights); there are no prizes involved. Well, this is not team play. If you receive a text, you are to answer to the best of your ability without help or discussion or cheating (Google). Fair enough, right? Well, Jay read the question to me since I did not have my phone on me: "How many different letters are used in the Roman numeral system?" When he read it aloud, we just looked at each other, knowing this one was a piece of cake. Having homeschooled two kids through this particular elementary math made this one a no-brainer. Since we both agreed we knew the answer, we stood in the kitchen and counted them off to be sure of how many.


J: C, M, V...

Me: Wait, let's go in order. (of course I meant value-wise, not alphabetically)

J: Okay.

Me: I, V, X ... thinking ... L, C, D, M

J: Um, okay, eight?

Me: Uh, let's say them again to make sure. I, V, X, L, C, D, M That's 7, right?

J: ...

Me: You count. (It was early. So while I said them, he held up a finger for each one.)
I...V...X...L...C...D...M 7!

J: (mumbled something while looking down at his phone)


Oh, isn't this fun, I thought...trivia with my husband in the morning. And then I went on about my business until the coffee was ready. I no sooner walked back into the room, and he says to me:

J: "It's not 8. Make sure you answer 7 when you get to your text."

Me: ...

J: (looking at me) IT'S NOT 8. (as if I hadn't heard him the first time)

Me: Right, it's 7. We just counted them in the kitchen, right? (trying my best to not have a "tone")

J: ...

Me: (because I can't leave it alone, apparently) You answered 8?

J: We've already distinguished that. It's just a game. I'm not that worried about it.

Me: ...


My thoughts at this moment: Are you kidding me? Am I being punked? We JUST counted them. He did NOT answer 8. He couldn't have. He was holding up 7 fingers, for pete's sake! What the heck?!


And then I had to leave the room.


"DO NOT SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE."


I am now thinking that this is just a little test. You know, to see if I will take this dare thing seriously. Not a test by Jay, I mean, because he has no idea that I'm actually doing the dare. But some sort of test. And then I resolved to LET IT GO. I mean I don't want to argue or make him feel bad over something as trivial as, well, a trivia question. That's just silly. It could have been a typo when answering from the multiple choice.


"Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those pillars are patience and kindness. All other characteristics of love are extensions of these two attributes. And that's where your dare will begin. With patience."


Great! Patience, while it is a virtue, and a part of the fruit of the Spirit, is not my strong suit. There. I said it. I can be impatient.


"No one likes to be around an impatient person."


Well, ooouuuch! Okay, I will resolve to work on this. Patience. Be patient.


"As sure as a lack of patience will turn your home into a war zone, the practice of patience will foster peace and quiet."


I could sure use some of that. And then it hit me: this dare may stretch further than my marriage and into my parenting as well. Big *sigh*. It's pretty easy to be patient with someone when they are gone most of the day, but I don't want that to be my cop-out. I want to be patient with my kids as well.


"Few of us do patience very well, and none of us do it naturally. But wise men and women will pursue it as an essential ingredient to their marriage relationships. That's a good starting point to demonstrate true love."


God, please help me to see Jay and the kids the way you see them. Help the love I feel for them to inspire patience toward them. Please help my desire to be genuine with them overrule my selfish need to want to be right. In Jesus' name, Amen.